Monday, November 1, 2010

Oh My.... It has been a while

Where ever does the time go?  I can't believe it is November 1st already.  I can't remember much of September or October.  Maybe I was blocking out the bit of bad news that we got... Ready for the break-down?

Long story short... I have PCOS, and had submit to fertility shots to have our son C.  M and I have been talking for the last few years about having a second.  I loved being pregnant, and have had baby fever like you wouldn't believe, BUT I feel guilty.  I can't seem to grasp how I could love another baby like I love C.  We tried for so long to have him... he is so special.  I just don't know how I could share the love that I have for him.  I hear other say that the love is different, but I feel like I will have to explain to C how come he will no longer be #1.  I feel like I am letting him down and that he isn't enough for me.  :(  It really does make me sad.

We went back to the place that helped us have C, and were given the all clear that on my next cycle we would start.  After the first ultrasound, they found a cyst that was almost 4cm on my left ovary.  We were told that we needed to wait a month, and I would need to go on birth control to help get rid of the cyst.  I felt like I got kicked in the stomach.  Just that quick I had gotten my hopes up and then was told that we needed to hold off on things for a bit.

We went back 2 weeks ago, and were given the go ahead.  The cyst was gone and we were to start back on the fertility shots.  I think M is enjoying sticking me with that needle every night.  He has a way of making me relax by making me laugh, which I think is wonderful of him.  C just watches while Daddy gives Mommy the medicine and laughs with me.  Things have been progressing well, and my follicles are growing just like they are suppose to be.  I was told today that by this weekend, the follicles should be ready.  It is exciting, yet scary.  I can't seem to get my emotions in order.  One moment I am extremely happy, and excited and the next I worry about how I'm going to handle a second baby... and share the 110% attention that C gets right now.

2 comments:

freckleface said...

Trust me, you have enough love to go around! You're a fantastic mom, no matter what!

Ginny said...

Thank You Shannon! I don't know why it really gets to me.... It is so scary.