Oh My.... It has been a while

Where ever does the time go?  I can't believe it is November 1st already.  I can't remember much of September or October.  Maybe I was blocking out the bit of bad news that we got... Ready for the break-down?

Long story short... I have PCOS, and had submit to fertility shots to have our son C.  M and I have been talking for the last few years about having a second.  I loved being pregnant, and have had baby fever like you wouldn't believe, BUT I feel guilty.  I can't seem to grasp how I could love another baby like I love C.  We tried for so long to have him... he is so special.  I just don't know how I could share the love that I have for him.  I hear other say that the love is different, but I feel like I will have to explain to C how come he will no longer be #1.  I feel like I am letting him down and that he isn't enough for me.  :(  It really does make me sad.

We went back to the place that helped us have C, and were given the all clear that on my next cycle we would start.  After the first ultrasound, they found a cyst that was almost 4cm on my left ovary.  We were told that we needed to wait a month, and I would need to go on birth control to help get rid of the cyst.  I felt like I got kicked in the stomach.  Just that quick I had gotten my hopes up and then was told that we needed to hold off on things for a bit.

We went back 2 weeks ago, and were given the go ahead.  The cyst was gone and we were to start back on the fertility shots.  I think M is enjoying sticking me with that needle every night.  He has a way of making me relax by making me laugh, which I think is wonderful of him.  C just watches while Daddy gives Mommy the medicine and laughs with me.  Things have been progressing well, and my follicles are growing just like they are suppose to be.  I was told today that by this weekend, the follicles should be ready.  It is exciting, yet scary.  I can't seem to get my emotions in order.  One moment I am extremely happy, and excited and the next I worry about how I'm going to handle a second baby... and share the 110% attention that C gets right now.

I'm so ready...

 Yeah, we have decided that we are going to try for #2.  We haven't had much luck working things the 'old fashioned way', so I am going to talk to my doctor about going the same route we went to have Christian. The last time we were able to get into a study going on at the Jones Institute, and had the greatest doctor and nurse to work with.  It was very stressful to begin with, I'm just hoping that this time our insurance will cover everything like last time.  Cross your fingers for us.  :D

So, bring on the shots.  I'm trying to psych myself out on what is to come... but I'm not sure if I am totally ready.  Thankfully I have Hunny.  He gave me all the shots last time (except for the one) and I survived.  We were very lucky last time to only have to go through one round of the fertility shots, etc.  I hope that we will be lucky again, as this is a very emotional roller coaster.

This coming week I will be going for my annual check up, so I am going to talk to my doc and see what she suggests... and where she would like us to start.  I wonder if we will have to go through the whole testing phase like last time with the many cycles of chlomid.  Or, if we will just go right to the shots etc.  I'm so nervous, but an excited nervous.

I'm thinking that things won't be too much different... i'm not getting a whole lot of sleep now... thanks to a toddler that is not wanting to sleep... but that is a whole different blog post.  I have had 'baby fever' for a while now, seeing all the new babies while out and about...  I loved, LOVED being pregnant with P... I was pretty lucky to not have all the morning sickness and all the discomfort that I hear others have.  My big things were the heat bothered me a whole lot, and indigestion.  I had the indigestion before I had P, I still have it now, so there won't really be too much change with that. 

I do worry at how P will take things.  He is our world now and gets pretty much anything and everything that he wants.  I would like to say he isn't spoiled, but I am sure those around me wouldn't agree with me.  :D  Heck... you should see his play rooms.  (yes, I said ROOMS) I myself worry if I could love a second baby like I love P.  I waited so long for him, and yearned so much.... that I don't think I could ever put another ahead of him.  I don't ever want to choose... I've heard that you never have to choose one child or another... but you know I can't help but think: How could I possibly love a second child as much as I love P?