Growth Spurt...

Boy howdy has my boy been growing. 

All though the summer he has been wearing his 18-24mo clothes.  We decided that we would buy some 2t jeans for him, and that should last him for a while.  His first time wearing the 2t jeans, they would go over the back of his shoe and he would walk on them.  That was no more than 3 weeks ago.  Now, they are like high-waters.  I should have seen this coming with his weird eating... not eating for a few days... but then all of a sudden he was eating everything he could get his hands on.  :D  M kept telling me that he was growing, but I think I was in denial. 

We went out this past weekend, and bought him some 3t jeans, and long sleeve shirts.  They look huge on him, but I'm sure he will grow into them shortly.  Which makes me sad.  I don't want him to grow anymore, I want my little baby back.  :D

Growing....

Finally my follicles are growing... well, they have been growing for the last 2 weeks.  Today, there are a couple that are currently at 14mm (or cm) not sure... they have said both measurements... so maybe they are confused.  LOL  We still need to go ahead with the shots for a few more days... and then back into the doctor on Friday to see how things are progressing. 

I still don't understand how the doctor can control these things... but I guess that is why they are paid the big bucks. 

On a cute note... we passed McDonalds today... and C was like ... chicken nuggets Mom, chicken nuggets...

Election Day....

I must admit... I did NOT vote today.  I knew whom I would vote for if I had gone to the polls and voted.  I'm sure there are many of you out there thinking really awful things about me for not voting.  I know I shouldn't think... what is my one vote... and it really has NOTHING to do with my meager vote.  I hate to say it but it has to do with Jury Duty.

I do not want to do my public duty and be a juror.  I spend 110% of my time with C, and have no regular babysitter, or even someone that I could call last minute to come watch C if I had to go in for JD.  Therefore, I believe it best for me to not vote.  I know many people believe I give up my right to bitch, and complain at the way things are going in our government, because I didn't vote, BUT if the person I want to win, wins.... Then I'll be happy and there will be no need to vote.  Hell, my vote didn't get me anywhere but BROKER and having less CHANGE in my pocket with the last Presidential election.

Oh My.... It has been a while

Where ever does the time go?  I can't believe it is November 1st already.  I can't remember much of September or October.  Maybe I was blocking out the bit of bad news that we got... Ready for the break-down?

Long story short... I have PCOS, and had submit to fertility shots to have our son C.  M and I have been talking for the last few years about having a second.  I loved being pregnant, and have had baby fever like you wouldn't believe, BUT I feel guilty.  I can't seem to grasp how I could love another baby like I love C.  We tried for so long to have him... he is so special.  I just don't know how I could share the love that I have for him.  I hear other say that the love is different, but I feel like I will have to explain to C how come he will no longer be #1.  I feel like I am letting him down and that he isn't enough for me.  :(  It really does make me sad.

We went back to the place that helped us have C, and were given the all clear that on my next cycle we would start.  After the first ultrasound, they found a cyst that was almost 4cm on my left ovary.  We were told that we needed to wait a month, and I would need to go on birth control to help get rid of the cyst.  I felt like I got kicked in the stomach.  Just that quick I had gotten my hopes up and then was told that we needed to hold off on things for a bit.

We went back 2 weeks ago, and were given the go ahead.  The cyst was gone and we were to start back on the fertility shots.  I think M is enjoying sticking me with that needle every night.  He has a way of making me relax by making me laugh, which I think is wonderful of him.  C just watches while Daddy gives Mommy the medicine and laughs with me.  Things have been progressing well, and my follicles are growing just like they are suppose to be.  I was told today that by this weekend, the follicles should be ready.  It is exciting, yet scary.  I can't seem to get my emotions in order.  One moment I am extremely happy, and excited and the next I worry about how I'm going to handle a second baby... and share the 110% attention that C gets right now.

Waving the white flag...

Things started out pretty well well.... BUT for the last few weeks my frustration level has been at an all time high. 

C still wasn't telling me when he had to potty... Every now and again I would catch him before and get him to potty in the potty chair.  He does great at night, and usually I can get him to go potty as soon as he wakes up.  Lately though he has been crying and fighting me trying to sit him on the toilet. 

Throughout the day I could bribe him with a sucker, or chocolate... but that was only going so far.  He wouldn't ask to go, so I was running around all day cleaning up messes all over the house.  Seems like the majority of the day was cleaning messes, and changing wet big boy pants. 

After having much frustration, and not being able to control it... which is probably why C has been resisting so much I have decided to wave the white flag, and go to pull-ups.  I've tried everything I was told, by praising him that he was dry... etc... but it is just like he doesn't care... Maybe he is too busy.  :( 

I don't know why it has been so hard on me to wave the flag... maybe I feel like I am giving up and I'm failing him.  Although today, when things brought me to tears... I had to wave the flag.  :(

Potty Training

We have been going at this for over a month now.  He isn't always telling me when he has to go ... heck he never tells me when he has to go... but I am so proud of him.   I have to ask him, and take him in there to sit even if he loses his marbles.  If I ask him if he wants a sucker he will say "hurry, hurry, hurry" and go to the bathroom.  But he only gets the sucker if he goes potty.  I'm not sure if I'm training him or he is training me.

The other day... he holds himself and runs to me going "Need M&M's"... and he went potty.  That has been the only time he has let me know that he has to go.  Not sure what I really need to be doing to get him to tell em all the time.  I guess I just have to have patience.

I haven't been having a lot of patience lately.  The other day I got so upset I put a diaper on him.  He wasn't real thrilled, but I told him babies wear diapers and he was wetting his Big Boy pants like a baby.  I felt like crap after I told him that.  I want him to know he is a big boy.  I was just at my whits end.  I have not put him in any other diapers or anything since then.  I can't do that to him anymore.  I just need to find a way to not be so stressed.  He is 2 and a half.... he will have accidents... and he will eventually "get it".  :D

And have accidents he does... like when I went to lunch with my girlfriend the other day.  He had an accident in the booth.  Or the time right in the middle of an aisle at Target.  I know they are going to happen... I just wish I, the "Mommy" could not stress so much about it.

I'm so ready...

 Yeah, we have decided that we are going to try for #2.  We haven't had much luck working things the 'old fashioned way', so I am going to talk to my doctor about going the same route we went to have Christian. The last time we were able to get into a study going on at the Jones Institute, and had the greatest doctor and nurse to work with.  It was very stressful to begin with, I'm just hoping that this time our insurance will cover everything like last time.  Cross your fingers for us.  :D

So, bring on the shots.  I'm trying to psych myself out on what is to come... but I'm not sure if I am totally ready.  Thankfully I have Hunny.  He gave me all the shots last time (except for the one) and I survived.  We were very lucky last time to only have to go through one round of the fertility shots, etc.  I hope that we will be lucky again, as this is a very emotional roller coaster.

This coming week I will be going for my annual check up, so I am going to talk to my doc and see what she suggests... and where she would like us to start.  I wonder if we will have to go through the whole testing phase like last time with the many cycles of chlomid.  Or, if we will just go right to the shots etc.  I'm so nervous, but an excited nervous.

I'm thinking that things won't be too much different... i'm not getting a whole lot of sleep now... thanks to a toddler that is not wanting to sleep... but that is a whole different blog post.  I have had 'baby fever' for a while now, seeing all the new babies while out and about...  I loved, LOVED being pregnant with P... I was pretty lucky to not have all the morning sickness and all the discomfort that I hear others have.  My big things were the heat bothered me a whole lot, and indigestion.  I had the indigestion before I had P, I still have it now, so there won't really be too much change with that. 

I do worry at how P will take things.  He is our world now and gets pretty much anything and everything that he wants.  I would like to say he isn't spoiled, but I am sure those around me wouldn't agree with me.  :D  Heck... you should see his play rooms.  (yes, I said ROOMS) I myself worry if I could love a second baby like I love P.  I waited so long for him, and yearned so much.... that I don't think I could ever put another ahead of him.  I don't ever want to choose... I've heard that you never have to choose one child or another... but you know I can't help but think: How could I possibly love a second child as much as I love P?